凡夫俗子的求學之路 Literary Composition: The Learning Journey of an Ordinary Person
I realised quite late that I truly enjoy reading and learning new things.
I have always felt that there is a problem with education in Taiwan: there are too many exams. Pupils are constantly judged by their exam “scores” along the way, and teachers often overpraise good results while overlooking the fact that repeated setbacks are often the very drivers of growth.
In my view, an excess of examinations numbs students and makes them forget the original essence of learning—joy. Think of how school-age children are filled with questions about every sip and peck of the world, and are always curious to ascribe meaning to the unknown. Why then, as they grow older, do teenagers gradually lose that sense of curiosity?
I believe “examinations” are a key factor. Taiwan’s exam culture expects students to cover a vast amount of material in a short time for each subject, while also preparing for multiple subjects in parallel. The pressure of examinations causes students, often without realising it, to forget the “Wow! I finally understand!” moments and to lose the unique joy of learning. Of course, truly outstanding talents still shine after being tempered by such trials, but in the real classroom these excellent students are ultimately just a handful in a vast sea; far more are children who are lost and simply follow the crowd.
Having endured three years of junior high and three years of senior high under the baptism of exam culture, many of my peers, upon entering university, may have thought, “At last, I’m free,” or “I no longer have to worry about those damned standardised tests,” and thus approached university life with the mindset of “I must make the most of it and have my fun.” When I graduated from senior high, I too was travel-worn and careworn, yet I was unusually clear-headed. Perhaps, as Albert Einstein said, “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” At that time, I seemed to embody every problem at once—empty-handed in both love and studies. Yet the story of the German poet Rilke tells us: when a person is profoundly dejected, they become especially sensitive to works of art. So it was for me on the eve of graduation: between the anime Jujutsu Kaisen and Lin Hwai-min’s novella The Boy in the Red Shirt, I heard, for the first time, the true voice of my own heart, and thereby found a passion for life. Looking back on those drifting, desolate moments, I can vividly feel the heart-wrenching pain of “losing myself”. Yet it was precisely those enervated days that forged my later resolve in reading and learning.
It is almost amusing to say: even at the age of twenty, though I can clearly distinguish between “examinations” and “reading”, I still cannot entirely escape the pressure brought by exams. This time, however, in facing the English test for studying abroad—the IELTS—I am no longer like I was in junior high, forever talking of giving up, nor like I was in senior high, lacking the courage to face challenges. Instead, I carry a simple, sincere intention: to learn English well. Lacking the blessings of many is no matter, because I know very clearly what I am pursuing: I myself have given myself the strength I once lacked.
我很晚才發現自己是真的喜歡讀書、學習新知。
我總覺得台灣的教育有一個問題，就是太多考試，學子們在求學路上經常被考試「分數」品評優劣，師長們往往過分抬舉好的結果、忽略了其實一次次的挫折往往才是驅動成長的因子。
在我看來，過多的考試會麻痺以及使學子們忘卻那份學習最初的本質——快樂，試著想想學齡兒童總是對天地間的一啄一飲充滿疑惑，並總是好奇地想為一切未知賦予意義，但為什麼隨著年齡增長，青少年們反而漸漸遺失了那份好奇心呢？
我認為「考試」正是箇中因素，台灣的考試文化總是要求學生們在短時間內針對某學科進行大範圍的學習同時不同學科的準備也須同步並進，考試壓力讓學生們在不知不覺間忘卻「哇！我終於懂了！」、遺忘那份學習獨有的樂趣，當然真正的一流人才是經歷淘洗後依舊波光粼粼，但在教育現場，這般優秀的學子終究還是如滄海中的一粟，更多的是不知何去何從、人云亦云的孩子們。
在經歷了國中三年加上高中三年考試文化的洗禮，上了大學後的許多同儕們或許是抱持著「終於自由了」、「不用在為那該死的學測、會考煩惱了」這樣的心態，因此對於大學生活懷有「我一定要玩到值回票價」的想法。高中畢業後的我同樣也是塵滿面、鬢如霜，但我卻異常的清醒，或許正如Albert Einstein所言- “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer”.那時的我可謂集一切問題之大成於一身，感情、學業兩頭空。不過德國詩人里爾克的故事告訴我們：「人在極度失意時會對藝術作品特別敏感」，就如同高中畢業前夕的我，在動漫《咒術迴戰》與林懷民老師的小說〈穿紅襯衫的男孩〉間第一次真實的聽到了「自己『心』的聲音」從而找到生命的熱情。回首那些失魂落魄的片刻，我清晰感受到「失去『自己』」的椎心之痛，然而正是這些萎靡不振的光陰促成日後我在讀書、學習上的堅定。
說來也好笑，弱冠之年的我儘管能明辯「考試」與「讀書」間的差異，仍無可避免地被「考試」所帶來的壓力影響，不過這次在面對留學英文考試——雅思，我不再像國中時那樣總是把放棄掛在嘴邊、也不再像高中時那般缺乏面對挑戰的勇氣，取而代之的是想把英文好好學好的那份純粹的心意。沒有太多人的祝福，無妨，因為我很清楚知道自己在追逐什麼，「我『自己』帶給了自己曾經缺乏的力量。」
